No-Excuses Meditation

To take the esoteric nonsense out of what you may THINK is meditation, I thought I'd offer a no-frills easy way to meditate. And by "easy" I actually mean "really effing hard but easy to start and so worth it." This has appeared on the internet before, but then, given Rule 34, what hasn't?

1. Find a comfortable seat. There are lots of ways to do this, but mostly your back should be straight and your legs either not squashed or squashed in a way that will remain comfortable.

2. Set a timer. If you don't have one, try e.ggtimer. If you're feeling timid, try 5 minutes. Ambitious? 30 minutes. Look at it long enough to make sure it's running, then close your eyes.

3. Pay attention to the breath. On each inhale, think "inhale," and on each exhale, number it. (Inhale, 1, inhale, 2, inhale, 3... etc). And:

• When you get to 5, start over.
• When you catch yourself thinking, mentally say "thinking," and start over.
• When you forget to count, mentally say "thinking," and start over.
  
• When you catch yourself at a number higher than 5, mentally say "thinking," and start over.

That's all there is to it, really. Try to let go of your concerns as to what the pattern actually looks like. One day it might go "1... 1... 1... 3... 1...," another might go, "5... 5... 7... 9... 5...," and yet another might go "1... 1... 4... godihatemyjobmyfootitchesWHYHASN'THECALLED... 1..." And it's all good.